YESTERDAY, I DID THAT.

By: Rob Robinson
Written with no breaks....

You know when you offer to do something for somebody and they say, no, don’t worry about it, but you insist for some stupid reason and so you go to do the job and just after you get there, you discover that a very major element of the job was miscalculated, but now your in the middle of it and you can’t leave because you insisted on doing it, and now you need your tools so you go out to your car to get them and schlep them inside and you go you use your cordless drill only to find out that the battery is low, so you go to grab the spare only to realize that it’s back at the shop along with the charger, meanwhile the clock is ticking on all of the other stuff that you must do today, and you get back to the job with your stuff and after unscrewing what you thought held this bracket in place, you find out that they used a nail gun anyway so that bracket that you planned on moving isn’t going anywhere without a bulldozer, but luckily at the shop you grabbed some wood and after you take some new measurements you head outside to cut a new bracket and one step out the door, the rain sees you and decides to soak you and your skill saw, but you’re at a church and bad words must not come out of your mouth or you don’t look so good, and now you get to climb the ladder over all of the stage gear to install the new mount but everytime that you try to find a comfortable position to screw it in, the stupid drop ceiling gets in the way and you look like Clark Griswold on a ladder hanging Christmas lights, but you don’t have a choice and even if it’s uncomfortable you have to try to screw it with your left hand, which is totally useless sometimes and to add to the frustration somebody yells down “how’s it going?” and you have to grit your teeth and say “Great”, but that’s a lie and thank God that you don’t have a flame thrower, and later when you get the mount up and level you go to stretch the cables to their new position, you find out that they were only long enough for the old position and right there on the top of that ladder you immediately summon God to ask if this is somehow funny to him and you end up laughing a little yourself because you’re the idiot who insisted that he do this job and what was an hour job at the most now has sucked your day dry and you’re even wondering if you’ll be out of there before the Wednesday night church crew comes is, but you finally get a couple things to work in your favor and get things running despite every little set-back, but you’ve made a mess and you can’t just leave it so you search out a vacuum cleaner and after you plug it in it falls apart right in your hands and by now you’re sure that you are being video taped for an episode of punk’d but then realize that you couldn’t ever be so fortunate as to know Ashton Kutcher and nobody is watching you at all and this is just a very long series of unfortunate circumstances that are trying desperately to tell you something and your just not getting it at all but you finally get the vacuum back together only to realize that the belt on it is just floating around so of course your own cynicism starts saying things out loud on it’s own like “that’s just perfect”, but 7 hours later you managed to do a 30 minute job. Well, yesterday, I did that.

the moral: From my Dad to you, measure twice, cut once. Hey, even measure three times.